I lost my mum (age 100) last November... you're never ready when the inevitable happens, even though you're always expecting (and dreading) it. One thing you're never expecting, despite being the youngest child in the family, is to be the last one standing. It's taking me a long time getting through the sense of 'aloneness' that periodically crops up in the quiet moments. And the effort to keep the mind and body happy, healthy and preoccupied with the day to day can be EXHAUSTING when you're fighting off the darkness. But, we persevere, and if surrounded by good friends, cousins and former work colleagues, we get through, and make new friends and contacts along the way. I appreciate this is the first such close loss you've had - and remember the years it took me to recover from my Dad's passing (brain tumor that was mis-diagnosed until too late) at age 70 in 1993. I still consider it the worst day of my life, but over time, I learned skills that were to stand me in good stead for the loss of close friends and other family members (my big brother - also aged 70) and beloved pets. I'd like to say it gets easier, but it's never something we want to anticipate nor allow to dominate our lives. We just get on, knowing there will be better days, and times and experiences we don't want to miss, and they are all still ahead of us. My deepest condolences to you and all your family and your mum's friends and carers. xxx Kerry
Thank you Kerry. Good to hear from you, and I hope all is well down under. ❤️
I can imagine it gets easier but that you don't ever "get over it." It simply becomes part of you moving forward.
I suppose it's my historian's brain and ability to take the long view, and also my study of Darwinian biology that helps me to understand this as a very natural process, something not to be feared because it cannot be avoided, and, most importantly as evidenced by everyone's lovely comments here and elsewhere that I have received, it reminds us of our shared humanity. We will all go through it.
I'm so glad I had all those good times with her in her last years. That's the part I think no one should miss or forget about. Be intentional about spending time because before you know it, it will be too late, and you can't get it back. It helps me to be at peace.
Nope, you are never prepared to lose a spouse or parent, even if they have been ill for a long time. Took care of my husband for 1-1/2 years at home and though i knew it was coming, his death was a thing of amazement and wonder. Five years have passed and I'm at ease with his absence, though i admit i do talk to him occasionally as if he is still with me.
Thank you Barbara for your lovely comment. Not to equate your husband with a dog (but see my comment in this post about my mom teaching us to love animals probably even more than people....), but my husband and I lost a very beloved pet, Lucy, 8 years ago almost to the day that mom died. And I still talk to her every day. When mom was very ill and dying, I would even ask Lucy to go to mom and tell her to come with her. I think it's not strange at all to keep those we loved close to us in all kinds of ways.
I am sorry for your loss I truly am. It doesn’t matter how a parent goes it’s still hard. I have lost both my parents and 2 step parents.
One thing I figured out is sometimes the things they say come out in spurts and it hits you like a train wreck other times you can almost feel them close to you.
When you are outside look around you may see a bunch of signs that you have never noticed I know I find things all the time. It’s a little weird to be honest but the memories aren’t bad it helps keep people alive. I know you know that better than anyone heck you teach it
I am not religious by any means so I won’t say she is in heaven or anything but your comment about Stardust is true. I think I heard somewhere we are made from Star stuff I just can’t place it.
On a final note I know this is a hard time but if she had a voicemail on a phone just listen to it a little bit at least you can still have a piece of her in someway maybe even record it. That way you have some way to always remember. I know I have made that mistake where I probably wouldn’t remember any of my parents voices if I heard them just what they say.
Take it easy. Give yourself some time and try not to rush anything. Make it count and make it where you won’t regret your decision. Do something your mom would have wanted because frankly she may or may not see it but you’re honoring her memory.
Thanks Chris, so so much. I'm glad to hear from you. I'm sorry you have already been through this so many times.
Yes, you are correct about my historian's approach. I have videos of her on my phone, and just last August when she was losing her ability to speak, I had her say "I love you" into my phone voice recorder so I would always have it. I can't listen to it just yet, but I know I will.
I lost my parents many years ago. It has a profound impact on one’s life in many ways. Each one of us in their own way.
I too, was raised Catholic and my parents were flawed, as we all are.
What I wanted to share with you was your thoughts about death and what lies beyond
When I was in college in 1970 I had a Near Death Experience NDE. It changed my life
I had my eyes opened to the reality that what I had been lead to believe was not what life was about. We are living in a multidimensional world that is beyond our normal comprehension
I have only recently begun to draw closer to that reality again
What was revealed to me so long ago was that God is real. Jesus Christ is real. That the Bible is real. That the world does everything to conceal that Truth. Ridicule, false narratives. It is very effective because it's reinforced everywhere
The sacrifice that Jesus made was real. God’s love is real. What greater love is there than someone who lays down their life for a friend. We are more than friends. We are His children
Resonates and very well written.
Thank you so much
I lost my mum (age 100) last November... you're never ready when the inevitable happens, even though you're always expecting (and dreading) it. One thing you're never expecting, despite being the youngest child in the family, is to be the last one standing. It's taking me a long time getting through the sense of 'aloneness' that periodically crops up in the quiet moments. And the effort to keep the mind and body happy, healthy and preoccupied with the day to day can be EXHAUSTING when you're fighting off the darkness. But, we persevere, and if surrounded by good friends, cousins and former work colleagues, we get through, and make new friends and contacts along the way. I appreciate this is the first such close loss you've had - and remember the years it took me to recover from my Dad's passing (brain tumor that was mis-diagnosed until too late) at age 70 in 1993. I still consider it the worst day of my life, but over time, I learned skills that were to stand me in good stead for the loss of close friends and other family members (my big brother - also aged 70) and beloved pets. I'd like to say it gets easier, but it's never something we want to anticipate nor allow to dominate our lives. We just get on, knowing there will be better days, and times and experiences we don't want to miss, and they are all still ahead of us. My deepest condolences to you and all your family and your mum's friends and carers. xxx Kerry
Thank you Kerry. Good to hear from you, and I hope all is well down under. ❤️
I can imagine it gets easier but that you don't ever "get over it." It simply becomes part of you moving forward.
I suppose it's my historian's brain and ability to take the long view, and also my study of Darwinian biology that helps me to understand this as a very natural process, something not to be feared because it cannot be avoided, and, most importantly as evidenced by everyone's lovely comments here and elsewhere that I have received, it reminds us of our shared humanity. We will all go through it.
I'm so glad I had all those good times with her in her last years. That's the part I think no one should miss or forget about. Be intentional about spending time because before you know it, it will be too late, and you can't get it back. It helps me to be at peace.
Nope, you are never prepared to lose a spouse or parent, even if they have been ill for a long time. Took care of my husband for 1-1/2 years at home and though i knew it was coming, his death was a thing of amazement and wonder. Five years have passed and I'm at ease with his absence, though i admit i do talk to him occasionally as if he is still with me.
Thank you Barbara for your lovely comment. Not to equate your husband with a dog (but see my comment in this post about my mom teaching us to love animals probably even more than people....), but my husband and I lost a very beloved pet, Lucy, 8 years ago almost to the day that mom died. And I still talk to her every day. When mom was very ill and dying, I would even ask Lucy to go to mom and tell her to come with her. I think it's not strange at all to keep those we loved close to us in all kinds of ways.
I am sorry for your loss I truly am. It doesn’t matter how a parent goes it’s still hard. I have lost both my parents and 2 step parents.
One thing I figured out is sometimes the things they say come out in spurts and it hits you like a train wreck other times you can almost feel them close to you.
When you are outside look around you may see a bunch of signs that you have never noticed I know I find things all the time. It’s a little weird to be honest but the memories aren’t bad it helps keep people alive. I know you know that better than anyone heck you teach it
I am not religious by any means so I won’t say she is in heaven or anything but your comment about Stardust is true. I think I heard somewhere we are made from Star stuff I just can’t place it.
On a final note I know this is a hard time but if she had a voicemail on a phone just listen to it a little bit at least you can still have a piece of her in someway maybe even record it. That way you have some way to always remember. I know I have made that mistake where I probably wouldn’t remember any of my parents voices if I heard them just what they say.
Take it easy. Give yourself some time and try not to rush anything. Make it count and make it where you won’t regret your decision. Do something your mom would have wanted because frankly she may or may not see it but you’re honoring her memory.
My thoughts go out to you and your family.
Mcshirls
Thanks Chris, so so much. I'm glad to hear from you. I'm sorry you have already been through this so many times.
Yes, you are correct about my historian's approach. I have videos of her on my phone, and just last August when she was losing her ability to speak, I had her say "I love you" into my phone voice recorder so I would always have it. I can't listen to it just yet, but I know I will.
I lost my parents many years ago. It has a profound impact on one’s life in many ways. Each one of us in their own way.
I too, was raised Catholic and my parents were flawed, as we all are.
What I wanted to share with you was your thoughts about death and what lies beyond
When I was in college in 1970 I had a Near Death Experience NDE. It changed my life
I had my eyes opened to the reality that what I had been lead to believe was not what life was about. We are living in a multidimensional world that is beyond our normal comprehension
I have only recently begun to draw closer to that reality again
What was revealed to me so long ago was that God is real. Jesus Christ is real. That the Bible is real. That the world does everything to conceal that Truth. Ridicule, false narratives. It is very effective because it's reinforced everywhere
The sacrifice that Jesus made was real. God’s love is real. What greater love is there than someone who lays down their life for a friend. We are more than friends. We are His children
He created us and He is calling us home
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. The kindness is much appreciated 🙏
She cracked off a lot of hard/funny truths, loved Austin Powers, and had a very soft patch in her.
Indeed! And I know she loved you too, cousin.